1:37 a.m. - 2005-05-27
i was drunk
ilve known john for almost 18 years now. tonight was his 18th. after we left shanks, john and i punched in car windows. score: me-4 john-0, what a night. i love watching john and bd box and bd trying to pick up britches.
my hair is alright. thanks shylah. have a good trip.
no matter what we are- you know how i feel. "primary boyfriend" or not, i still consider myself your boyfriend and i care so much for you. i hope you never have to feel like you are sorry about that again. it really is weird- how people "just start to care" but youre impossible not to care about. i said "be mine?" and you said you'd love to, but i understand why you cant right now. you dont have to be sorry about it. you just have to know how much i care- the rest is up to you.
... tonight. after our messages (but before out call) i told my friends what was happening. after the call i was too... me to be able to update them. so im sorry if 4 guys i know think youre my primary girlfriend... which you are, because i dont want another, but i guess i could say; im sorry they think i am your primary boyfriend.
in my bed/or not- i love every part of you and second i spend with you.
brb i need water
ahhh so, as i was saying-
i can make you happy other ways, i promise. if you gave me the chance i would. i dont want you to stop things just because it makes you feel better about seeing me. i want you to stop doing things because its better for you.
i think im going to puke.
i wont lie, i really wish that he didnt call to say sorry. i wish that when you said "i'd love to" you really ment "id love to- more than id love being joels again"
i wish i went drunk tonight so that i could have seen you- legit (not sneaking around) and i could have been holding you. just being with you- so you wouldnt have anwsered your phone... and you would still love being mine. i hope i hear your voice soon- and i hope i never hear you sad again.
