9:48 p.m. - 2005-02-14
i am the fucking hulk. an emotional mess that destroys things and then walks over them
I went out to do somethings tonight. During my 4th stop I saw Jenya on his first day of work. He said "Billy what happend on friday" and I said "you mean saturday right?" he nodded and after a short pause I said "i was just really loaded and out of control" then Jenya said "whenever, why was danny pissed off at you" and right at that moment- I told the truth about saturday for the first time. I said "I was trying to drive home" and he said "thats stupid" akwardly, I agreed, "yeah man I know". He continued to wash a windshield and after a short silence I told him "well i better be off". Jenya looked up from his work and said "alright, see ya man" then as I was nearly at my car, Jenya yelled "hey billy, dont worry about any of it". It was real refreshing to think that some people I know dodnt think I am a piece of shit.
My mom came into my room around 4:30 today while I was doing my math homework. She had a large starbucks bag in her had but I didnt think anything of it (mainly because she knows how much I hate starbucks and because she always buys things and I assumed it were for herself). She said "happy valentines day" and put the bag by my feet. Before I looked into the bag I looked up on my mom with a large fake smile and exclaimed "oh thank you mom. happy valentines day". i looked into the bag and saw a chocolate heart (bernard callebau, filled with other chocolates), a 100$ bill and a blue t-shirt. I thanked her repeatedly until she left my room.
It was a really nice suprise, but in my head I thought; this only makes it a mediocore valentines day. I thought it could only be great if I saw a certian person that I would have loved to take out on a real date. 5 and a half hours later and I was wrong. Hearing her voice made it a great day and a very exceptional valentines day.
I did something that didn't work out how I wanted it to. Danny and I were outside and then my blood was on the curb. The Police were called. My parents had to come pick me up... I was sober for 6 months and then in the last month and 14 days(which included 4 drinking nights)... History repeated its self. I did something embarassing that didnt work out how I wanted it to. Danny and I were out side and my blood was on the cement. The Police came and my parents had to pick me up... I know this isnt like last time, but Im not going to drink for awhile again.
