9:28 p.m. - 2005-02-09
when placed in a less than desirable situation, it is natural human behavior to feel an urge to escape.
I told my mom about you. I showed her a picture and she thinks you're really cute. What an understatement. So beautiful inside and out.
It was a strange conversation to have with my mom, because she had just rushed home after my dad called her and told her to come home because he needed her protection. I had just redirected my fist into the wall. For some reason I thought that breaking the wall would be better than breaking my dads face. I would not shed a single tear if I walked into my house only to find his lifeless body- face down in a pool of his own shit filled blood from his black heart.
It was funny because this drunk bastard was yelling at me over the smallest things, as always. Refering to my friends and myself as "gay". This walking piece of shit is yelling at me- with the sign of cross marked in ashes on his forehead. He can go to church all he wants. He is still a human piece of shit and I hope he suffers for all of his sins. Constantly tells me how I am in such bad shape. How I am so stupid for smoking- this fucker smoked from the age of 7 to the age of 41. Where is this cancer that the anti-smokers had promised me? I still find him smoking pot at least once a month.
I just hope im not the one that has to be punished for killing him.
I need a release. This beautiful girl has made me feel like I am escaping all of my problems. I have nothing to worry about when I am with her. Everything is good when she is beside me, but when she leaves- I have no where to go. No way to escape. I think I need something to do when I am angry other than hit walls. This could possibly be the start to my carreer in crime fighting.
