3:49 a.m. - 2005-02-05
free verses from a dream
i was bored earlier and made this.
I was so high strung tonight. I used harsh words when addressing my friends. Well, alot of the time they were being pretty dumb. I dont know what it was. Honestly- it was that i couldnt do everything that i wanted to do. I really wanted to be stupid, get drunk, say and do dumb things with my friends. But we all know I wouldnt have seen my friends at all if I wasent driving to meet them... which i couldnt have done if i were drinking.
-I DECIDED NOT TO SLEEP AND I GOT SO BORED THAT I WROTE THIS. (PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT IT IS NOW 4:01 AND I AM NOT COMPLETELY SANE-
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So as I sit here, lay here rather, in my bed; I think about how this could come to be, how fortunate I could come to be. If we want to score a point for everything that is good- then this has to happen. Putting others to shame when compared to the way we beat. Pounding. Hearts. We have to score a point for everything good. Make the bad guys lose. Yes I talked about points but dont get me wrong, darling dont fret, this isnt a game. Still fun, just not a game.
With no companion besides the dark and these songs of broken dreams, hearts and necks- I lay here. Shaking my head at my own damn thoughts. Holding it in until its ready to rip its way out of my chest. I sit, stand and lay, but will never lie to you. Honest. Sincere. Genuine. Just get into this blender with me. Mix, share everything inside of us. We could be the best mechanical solution ever produced. Pieces of you here, and pieces of me- there. I have not been in a blender so nice before, but i know you wont have to worry about the sharp blades. I wont let anything cut you.
Nothing in this king sized bed, but a dreaming boy with an emptied head. Awake as the day, he cant hit the hay. Wont let this time take me over. I dont want an early morning mind make over.
now i stop here and save myself from further embarassment.
Well its 4:44 and I started nearly an hour ago. i just proof read (ignoring the capitals because there are too many to deal with). I thought about somethings while reading my first paragraph. I decided that i am happy and it was a good night. i wish i werent in such a bad mood and that i could have enjoyed myself more. but i was mad for an irrational reason. we are all irrational sometimes. sorry. i feel like an ass for trying to rationalize being irrational.
im not saying that it couldnt have been better. because things can always get better. but in retrospect, it was a good night and i thank my friends for putting up with me when i act like i did tonight.
