9:25 p.m. - 2005-01-17
Mechanical boot suit.
I feel like watching The Royal Tenenbaums, but fuckin Brett still has my copy of it. PS, give me my movie.
I dont care if I dont know how you feel anymore. I dont care if I am the one who is heartless. All I know- we will never have our arms around eachother again. I no longer want to be the first boy to kiss you. Also, I truly hope that if you do ever kiss a boy, the first time- he will give you some gross fucking sickness that will stick with you longer than our friendship did. PS, gimme my book bitch.
Im in a weird mood today. I saw some girls and I knew I loved them, yet I was not even remotely excited. This drug could not even save me today. My heart was beating so fast and still I felt lifeless. I tried to think about kissing all of the girls I love and it did not change my mood what-so-ever.... i just agrued with myself and realized that the girls didnt excite me because I have no sex drive. PS i love you girls.
I still should have so much energy, I took quite a bit over the course of the day. My back is killing me cause I slept fucked up last night, I know Id enjoy a hot tub right now. I just dont feel like living today.
Diplomas are nerve-racking.
Even stress would be ok with me right now, but I feel nothing.
I wish there were zombies.
I have been thinking about me. You have all seen me smile or laugh at something in the last while. One word- Amusement. Nothing to do with happiness. I have nothing to do with happiness. I do not want to sound like that kid. That kid that tries so hard to seem so fucked up. No matter how fucked up I have sounded lately- believe me, I dont TRY to do anything anymore. I have no ambition to do anything.
I do not want to compare myself to such a book, but I feel like Meursault from The Outsider. I just dont think anything matters and I have accepted the fact that some things happen for no good reason.
I hate writing such long shit. I know its all shit and I know most wont even read all of this. None of us care anymore.
