1:47 a.m. - 2004-12-30
i actually had a 5 minute day dream- in which i hit a rabit with my car, got out, stabbed it 17 times, got bit, strangled it, skinned it, took it to shylahs, washed it, ruined it with the water, got tenicides and died.
I really need something. I dont know what. But i need something cause i really feel empty. im pretty sure its a kiss. i still havent got one. im pretty sure i said i would kill myself if i didnt get one by christmas... but i dont think im going to try that again.
i have to kiss a girl at midnight on new years. ill be drinking, so i am scared of what i may do to myself; if that second passes without a girls lips against mine. i know who i want to kiss but i also know that she will not want to kiss me. she wont kiss me. she wont kiss me. she doesnt want to do it. she wont. i wont try. she might not even be there. i dont even care. i dont care who she is. all i know is i have to fucking kiss a girl.
my body is sore. my mind is sore.
i want to have a hot tub. masturbate. watch twilight zone. talk to someone. any girl. goodbye.
